Item 1 - Run a marathon

He has no idea what's in store for him

I was going to run my first marathon last year. I had been practicing for almost a year prior to that; I had slowly ramped up my training, plugging away with good gains on both distance and time. The marathon I was running was in September. Then three days before my marathon I started to get sick. Up until the day before the event I still thought I could do it, but the sheer amount of crud that I was coughing up told a different story. I dropped out and spent the next few days in bed. It was a crappy end to an utterly crappy September.

So this year I planned to really get a marathon done, come sickness or shin-splints. I maintained a good training regimen and my health has been relatively good all year. Summer hit and the heat meant that I fell off on my distance a little bit, but nothing that I couldn't make up. A little over a month ago I realized that it was do or die time. I signed up for a marathon that was in a nearby town and started making plans.

In the days leading up to the marathon this year a lot of people asked me things along the lines of "Are you sure you can do a whole marathon?" or "How far are you running these days?" My answers were "Of course," and "Around 20 miles," respectively.

Here's my confession: the real answers to those questions were "God, I hope so" and "About 13 miles."

Okay, so saying I fell off a little bit is kind of like saying that "Pacific Rim" was a bit of a disappointment. I got downright lazy. But marathon season is almost over and if I had told people the truth they might have (rightfully) tried to talk me out of it. In my defense, I really wanted to do it (which is, of course, the greatest defense ever.) Also, I'd like to point out that the question "Are you sure you can run a whole marathon?" or any variation thereupon is one of the more belittling questions a person can ask, so maybe just don't do that.

The first 14 miles actually went pretty easily; the scenery was beautiful, I was keeping a good even pace, the terrain was easy but hilly enough to keep it interesting.

And then I hit the trails.

I'm an alright trail runner but I run in minimalist shoes, so I tend to do trails that are mostly dirt. These were gravel covered trails, with very large rocks. I managed to hit every single sharp rock I could over the next 10 miles. Add to this the fact that I bonked around mile 16 and you have a poor first showing for a marathon.

When I finally crossed the finish line I didn't feel the sense of accomplishment that I had envisioned. Mostly I felt sore and tired. And one thought kept occurring to me: I could have done better. And I will, next time.

One final note: the sense of accomplishment did come, but it was a bit later. In one day I doubled my most recent best distance. It wasn't pretty and I wasn't particularly fast, but I finished a goddamn marathon and not everyone can say that.

The very last bit of energy I had

Item 16 - Finish 30 3 books - "The Sisters Brothers" by Patrick deWitt

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So apparently I took a bit of an unplanned hiatus. In my little vacation from blogging I have still been working on my list. That's included finishing this little gem. I've always loved westerns and this one is a nice quick read and fills the void that "Deadwood" never coming back left. The comparison to "Deadwood" is deliberate, though, as this book uses the same sort of lofty language as that show to create a sense of disconnect between the characters surroundings/actions and their words. In places it felt a little forced, but overall it was enjoyable.

One thing that did stick out for me was the episodic nature of the book. Maybe it's just because I spent the last month playing "Fallout 3" (which of course has nothing to do with my lack of updates), but the whole story almost seemed like an RPG campaign: the characters would drift from place to place, be given a quest, get a reward and move on towards their final goal. This isn't necessarily a bad thing (I'd actually kind of like to try a western themed RPG now that I think of it) it just sort of made it a little strange.

Housekeeping Item 27 - See a live comedy show Item 28 - Go to a concert

I didn't do entries on them but I went to a concert and two live comedy shows (one of them way back in March). The concert was Sallie Ford & The Sound outside, they were spectacular with an awesome energy that was really infectious. I made the mistake of going to the show by myself, however. Awkward guy standing by himself is never a good thing to be at a concert. Even so, it was fun.

More recently I went to see Howard Kremer's "Have a Summah" tour. It was a blast and I even got to meet Howard, which was a real thrill for me. It's hard to explain, but I really connect with his comedy style (which when I write it out kind of sounds creepy). Kyle Kinane did a set also and it killed; my only previous experience with Kyle was his bit he did on "Drunk History" but I've been watching clips on Youtube ever since the show and have really been liking him.

Item 16 - Finish 30 4 books - "Packng for Mars: The Curious Science of Life in the Void" by Mary Roach

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This is the second book by Mary Roach that I've read, the first being "Stiff". I felt that book was the stronger of the two, but this one was still engaging. Mary Roach is a funny, clever writer who always manages to talk about science-ish subjects in a fun way. I say "science-ish" because you don't really come away from these sorts of books any smarter, but you are primed for any cocktail party you might find yourself at with little factoids to drop into lulls in the conversation (this could be called the "Gladwellian school of science" if  you wanted to put a name on it.)

That may sound derisive, but I assure you it's not meant to be. I enjoyed this book and loved the little stories from her various interviews and resources. My only real problem with this particular book was the title: it makes it seem like it's going to actually be about the science of humans reaching Mars, or at least the plans to visit our second closest neighbor. That takes up a very small part of the book, mostly at the end of chapters where she will take on a couple of sentences about the subject she has just discussed and saying something to the effect of "and just imagine doing that for two years, which is how long it will take to get to Mars." This is largely due to the very nature of getting humans to Mars. It's such a theoretical proposition at this point that there is very little that can be written about it. To that end, I think that the very subject of Mars or theoretical space exploration could have been it's own chapter and the book could have just used "space" as the uniting theme.

The whole book does have a sort of unfortunate sadness about it. Now that our government has decided that manned spaceflight is far less important than invading other countries (as if there was ever any doubt about their priorities) it looks as though our role in flinging humans towards the red planet will be greatly diminished. Why should it be the United States' responsibility to stand at the forefront of science and exploration? I mean who wants to do that, right? Regardless, I sincerely hope that someone from this planet does continue funding space exploration. As Mary Roach quotes Ben Franklin in her book when he was asked what use a hot air balloon (the first human flying machine) was "What is the good of a newborn infant?" There is near limitless potential in the human animal, we just have to strive for it.

Review of "Pacific Rim" Item 2 - Watch 6 3 movies at the theater

Pacific Rim/Jaws by Matthew Ferguson, this mash up is much better than the movie

I am on a roll recently for consuming bad media. I actually had highish hopes for this movie, I didn't expect it to reinvent the wheel or anything, but I respect Guillermo del Toro and figured he had something in mind. That something ended up being every summer action movie ever. He hit every single cliche that you can think of. Impassioned eleventh hour speech by the elder statesman? Heroic sacrifice? Protagonist's rival comes to begrudgingly respect him? Generically handsome lead ends up with the only female character given more than two lines? Yup, "Pacific Rim" ticks all the boxes essential to make a boring actioner.

And it's not just the writing that puts you to sleep; Idris Elba, who is usually such a powerful actor, sleepwalks through the entire film. Charlie Day and Ron Perlman do their best to inject some sense of life into this film, but they aren't enough. It was beautifully shot and there were some great props, which is no less than should be expected of Del Toro, but it lacked the practical special effects that made "Pan's Labyrinth" so amazing and "Hellboy" so detailed. I will rescind my previous assertion that it was a bad movie, it was just a rehash of something that we should all be tired of by now.

Item 16 - Finish 30 5 books - "Old Man's War" by John Scalzi

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I bought this book because of a thread on Reddit about great first lines in books or something like that. The quotation used was interesting enough that I decided to give it a shot:


Which also makes this another instance of me buying and reading a book because of a good high-concept. Thankfully, this one worked out much better than last time.

I'm not about to heap praises on this book though. We're offered glimpses of some great premises that I'm sure will be fleshed out in the further books in the series, but I just don't feel a desire to seek those books out. There's a scene in the book where the protagonist suddenly has a breakdown on the battlefield, realizing he's been killing dozens or hundreds of alien combatants since joining the army. It's actually a moment I waited for, since the rest of the book he deals with mowing down aliens as if he were talking about his laundry. But then the scene fizzles without any real resolution, he just kind of gets over it. That kind of sums up how I felt at the end; I'll never really know much more about this series, or if the hero ever truly feels anything about his actions, but I can live with that.

Review of "Monsters University" Item 2 - Watch 6 4 movies at the theater

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At the current rate I've been seeing movies in the theater I should reach my goal by the time I'm 31, I'm definitely going to have to step up my game. I went to this one with my niece, who recently moved to town. She loved it, but she's three and not terribly picky. I liked it, but felt like it didn't have the same earnestness or heart that the original "Monsters Inc." had. I'm not really sure that there needed to be second film in the series, honestly. With this prequel we just take several giant steps back for the characters and their world without much payoff. It's a cute movie, but I'm obviously not the target here.

Item 16 - Finish 30 6 books - "Extinction Point" by Paul Antony Jones

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Oh boy. I'll just get this over with quickly; I didn't like this book. I had a lot of reasons but one of the primary ones is the protagonist, Emily. Emily is your typical reader stand-in character in that she is essentially a blank slate personality. This is even more unfortunate than you might expect since she is essentially the only "character" (and I use that word loosely here) that we are exposed to for most of the book. The one part of her personality that does make it into the plot is that she is incredibly genre blind.

It's one thing if a story never makes mention of a genre; I'm willing to accept, for instance, in "Friday the 13th" that the teens have never seen a slasher movie in their life, maybe in their universe that particular type of fiction doesn't exist and therefore it's a perfectly reasonable thing to do to split up and go into the basement by themselves. This is not the case with Emily; she explicitly states she's a fan of zombie movies and that a sci-fi movie is playing in the background at one point. And yet she persists in doing everything that you would expect someone with no experience in either subject to do: Hmmm, should I arm myself in case someone/something attacks me? NOPE! Should I find a flashlight before going exploring? Fuck that! What was that strange sound? I'll go investigate!

I think what really gets me is that I think the author is probably a good writer, but it felt like he phoned this in. So much so that nothing actually happens or is resolved by the end of the book. It ends with a non-cliffhanger cliffhanger. It's very obviously designed with  a desire to be a series in mind. You are left with a single character who you don't care about, doing something that doesn't seem to matter and no resolution to any part of it. It could have done so much more, which is it's cardinal sin.

Item 16 - Finish 30 7 books - "How to Be Black" by Baratunde Thurston

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Baratunde Thurston takes a really amazing approach to race in this book, which is appropriate for a book with such a lofty title as "How to Be Black," the amazing thing is that he aims high and he hits his target. The book is part comedy, part autobiography and part instruction manual on race relations in the United States. It is one of the better comedy books that I've read in a long time and he manages to integrate his own experience and life story pretty seamlessly into the different sections of the book. Like the best "Onion" articles, I found myself quoting it in conversation or pulling the book out and reading whole sections to helpless people.

My one complaint is that sometimes the other contributors to the book (his "panel of experts") didn't fit in quite perfectly. I assume this is due to the nature of the way they were collected (I believe they were interviews rather than written essays) or possibly an issue of editing. I want to emphasize that I actually enjoyed all of the contributors thoughts and thought they all were interesting and funny, I just felt that they were sometimes unnecessary or slightly awkward to the rest of the text.

Item 16 - Finish 30 8 books - "The Big Lebowski" by Jenny M. Jones

The Polish poster for "The Big Lebowski" (Source)

I've lost count of how many times I've seen "The Big Lebowski". It's one of my favorite movies of all time. I remember my mom told me about when she introduced a friend to it and the friend's immediate reaction was to say "I want to write an essay about that movie." A couple of years later in college I managed to live that dream not once but twice, milking the movie for two papers in two separate classes. Apparently I was just a little early on that trend; the last few years has seen the publication of a fairly large number of books about this wonderful little film that was barely a blip when it came out (including one by El Duderino himself).

There are worse things to devote your time to

This is the first time I've read one of these books, I bought it when it was on sale on Amazon. I enjoyed the behind the scenes look at it, but the overall feel was a bit too much like reading a lengthened Wikipedia article or the trivia section of IMDb. The author used very few original sources and instead depended primarily on other publications, interviews and documentaries. I would have appreciated a bit more of her own interviews or thoughts, because when she did have them they were interesting. She has a very good voice, I just wish I could have read more of that.

I think I might have too many t-shirts

Item 16 - Finish 30 9 books - "Ulysses" by James Joyceand"The New Bloomsday Book" by Harry Blamires

From "Ulysses 'Seen'", something that everybody should check out, not just Joyce fans

This one was a little bit of a cheat as it's the third time that I've read "Ulysses." It's become a somewhat semi-annual tradition for me to start reading it as late in the year as I can and still finish it by Bloomsday. Each year I try to expand on the tradition and make that Bloomsday a little bit extra special. This year I added "The New Bloomsday Book" to the mix. I've read annotations for "Ulysses" before, but never quite so comprehensive."Ulysses" is one of those books that the more you read about it and what it means the better it becomes.

But this entry wasn't going to be about either of these books, I feel the very fact that I read a book about a book while I was reading the first book says enough about the amount that has already been said by other far more intelligent people. Instead, I was going to write about what I did with my Bloomsday to make it remarkable this year. I had a plan to get lamb kidneys and have a whole meal based around that. Unfortunately, I missed my chance to order them as I was distracted by a number of other things going on in my life.

I was able to salvage the day though, I bought some Guinness and got to share it with one of the only other people in my life that enjoys Joyce (and Guinness) as much as I do. My mom has had a few health problems recently (in comedy this is what would be called "Understatement"), so being able to share a beer with her and just getting to chat for a little while was special enough.

Besides, next year is the 110th Bloomsday. Shit's gonna get real.

Pioneer 5K Fun RunItem 20 - Run 6 0 5K's

I love doing this race; the money that is raised is donated to the local high school's athletic program. And this is a seriously underfunded school system. The town it takes place in is so pathologically afraid of raising taxes that they purchased a bunch of hideous modular classrooms rather than upgrade the elementary school because it was cheaper in the short run. Always a good idea: shortchange your children. That never backfires.

The other reason I love this run is because the primary sponsor is the best shoe store in eastern Oregon and they usually have a great swag bag. Hey, I don't always have to be altruistic. I wasn't able to get any good photos of the race this year, unfortunately.

I did get some bad ones, though.

See what I mean? Look how disappointed in me that lady on the right edge is.

I have no idea why I took this photo, even less idea why I'm posting it now.

I did get an okay picture of the swag though.

A pen, chap-stick, a polishing cloth for cell phone screens, a foot buffer, a reusable grocery bag, a t-shirt and a... what the hell?

Yes! That thing! What the hell is that?

Tough Rhino Mud Run Item 29 - Run an endurance/obstacle raceItem 20 - Run 6 1 5K Item 14 - Run a race in costume or in theme

As anyone that grew up with a steady diet of Nickelodeon will tell you, doing Double Dare would have been a dream come true as a child. Of course, you put those sorts of dreams away around the time you hit puberty and suddenly being the center of attention sounds like a punishment. In my case, I had completely forgotten about wanting to ever do the obstacle course style race until I found out that they do them for grown-ups too.

You've got to admit, that looks pretty awesome

I figured I'd knock a couple items off the list at once after a discussion with a friend about how much fun it would be to run a mud run in a white shirt and pants. I decided to go a little further and went with a whole suit. The only item I had to pay for was the jacket, which I got for $3 at Goodwill, everything else I had in my closet and was damaged.

That thing about not liking to be the center of attention doesn't just apply to surly teenagers: it also applies to a moderately well-adjusted twenty-nine year old. I figured there'd be a lot of people running in costumes or themes. Not so much. I spotted two girls in tutus, and a couple groups in matching t-shirts and that was about it. I got a lot of stares and a lot of questions. Actually, just two questions: "Are you really running in that suit?" and "Why are you running in that suit?" And a few times on the run I heard my favorite thing "Oh man, the guy in the suit is beating us!"

I took all that attention in stride, especially that last one. What I will say is that if I ever run in a costume or theme again, I'm going to make sure it's lighter. I must have carried an extra 15 pounds of water over the finish line, not to mention how hot that jacket got. I'm a guy that sweats a fair amount and it was about 80 degrees by the time I finished. So, less is definitely better, at least when running in the summer.

I wonder if I can find one of those tutus in my size.

Item 16 - Finish 30 11 books - "Oz Reimagined" Edited by John Joseph Adams and Douglas Cohen

Ooh, it's all edgy and grimdark

I read "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz" (check that out, you can get it for free) when I was seven and ill. I had to stay home from school and had nothing to do so my mom gave my a beat up old copy she'd picked up for fifty cents at a bookstore. I read it in one sitting and after I was well I plowed through the other fourteen books in the original series. There is something so lovely about those first few books, they are strange and funny and touching. And always sincere. You always got the feeling that Baum truly loved entertaining children; despite his best efforts to try to the end the series a number of times, he'd always relent to the wishes of the children that would barrage him with letters.

There doesn't appear to be a lot of that same sincerity in this volume. Most of the stories skew toward the gritty re-imaginings that have become the norm in recent years. I should mention here that I'm not a purist when it comes to new interpretations of other works, I don't think that they must follow the tone of the original to the letter. I enjoyed Gregory Maguire's "Wicked" enough to read the sequel "Son of a Witch" and will probably get around to the other two books in the series at some point as well. I just think that going straight to the gritty is a bit cliche; if you want to see what I mean go to deviantART and search for "Oz re-imagined" or "Oz reimagined." There are some clever ideas on there, but it's largely the same sort of material that would be right at home in this book.

I don't want to seem like there weren't any good stories in this book, there were a few that I really liked. One of my favorites was "The Boy Detective of Oz" by Tad Williams. It served as a great commentary on the very thing that I'm talking about, the habit of authors to distort Oz into a nightmare without much reason. Williams is actually able to have his cake and eat it too, in this way; he gets to do a little of the dreary stuff within a framework where it works, while still telling a somewhat more classical Oz story and gets in a jab at writers whose first impulse is to turn the Tin Woodman into a murderous mechanical tyrant.

There were a some other stories in here that I really enjoyed, one or two that fall into that category I've so scorned in the last three paragraphs. The thing they had in common was some sort of joy lurking in the text. As I said before, sincerity is essential to Oz.

Item 16 - Finish 30 12 books - "The Lottery and Other Stories" by Shirley Jackson

I think I am in the minority of American college graduates in that I never read "The Lottery" when I was in school. Now that I have read it and some of Jackson's other work I wish I had been exposed to it earlier. I thoroughly enjoyed reading the short stories in this book and I always love reading an author who is obviously influential on other writers that I admire but I feel like she would have hit me a lot harder if I had read her when I was younger. I think she is one of those writers who you have to read at a certain stage in your life to fully appreciate; someone that expresses something with their words that you felt in that time that you hadn't been able to properly emote or something that you had never seen before. These are the best authors in the world, on an individual level, because you carry that love and appreciation for them with you for the rest of your life.

Item 16 - Finish 30 13 books - "The Will to Whatevs" by Eugene Mirman

I'm a fan of Eugene Mirman. He is one of the best parts of "Bob's Burgers" and his riffs can be some of the funniest moments on the show. His stand-up is smart, funny and original. Rather than write a review of the book I've decided that I'd post a clip of him talking about doing a reading of his book (skip to 2:59 for the relevant part, or watch the whole thing, it's pretty funny).

Item 16 - Finish 30 14 books - "Bad Juju & Other Tales of Madness and Mayhem" by Jonathan Woods

Bad Juju, good cover

I read this book primarily in a bar while waiting for friends. Not in a single trip, hopefully I would give up on waiting after an hour; but it happened to be a book that I had on my phone and that I didn't mind putting down when people would show up unexpectedly. I mention this because there is something deceptive that happens when reading noir fiction in a bar. The atmosphere of a bar can make the worst noir seem good; it can make it more real, more gritty, more sexy. This book was far from the worst but even the bar couldn't put it into great reading territory.

"Bad Juju" committed a few of the ancient sins of noir fiction, things that I hope we can all learn from and work past to make better books. Woods didn't commit all of them, very rarely do you get authors that do that aren't self-published. But in an effort to spread the gospel here are some of the cardinal sins of neo-noir:

• You shall not make your protagonist an invincible badass white guy, Bruce Willis already exists and we're all kind of tired of him anyway.

Seriously, smirking...

...is not...

...acting. Knock it off.

• You shall not make two dimensional female characters that are just sex in high heels, even if you believe that making her the protagonist is "forward thinking." Remember the Bechdel Test and keep it handy.

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• Smoking and drinking are not all that is required to give fiction a hardboiled edge; reaching for a cigarette or a whiskey is not a character trait, it is just filler.

I'm cutting you off for your own good, trust me (Source)

• Honor your forefathers and foremothers: Hammett, Chandler, Highsmith, Ellroy and Mosley (among others) blessed are their names. Learn from their teachings but do your own thing (i.e. you shall not steal).

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I'm sure there are many more, but these are the ones I've come up with off the top of my head. I want to reiterate that "Bad Juju" didn't commit all of these sins; its chief problem was that it flogged number two to death. There wasn't a single female character in any of the stories that was more than a sex object or a venomous snake. Not that the male characters were likable nor that characters necessarily need to be likable, but all of the women were little more than prizes to be won or monsters to be defeated.

There was one instance where this wasn't the case. The story in which the POV was a female character by it nature necessitated it. Unfortunately being a woman is her only defining characteristic and her sex is her primary weapon. It all just came off as sloppy and a bit lazy.

YMCA Corporate Cup 5K Item 20 - Run 6 2 5K's

Think I've found my new profile pic

I started running races last year, before that I'd always just run against myself. The YMCA Corporate Cup was the first 5K that I'd ever run in, so it has a special place in my heart. I also was in charge of organizing my companies involvement in the Corporate Cup this year, helping to organize it with the YMCA and getting people involved. So it felt a little extra special this year.

As last year, it was well organized and well attended. The race runs a course that's fairly flat and has nice scenery, so it's good for all skill levels. I paced with a co-worker for the most part, but when we were getting close to the end I told him to try to take second if he thought he could. He gave it his all and ended in third, I was in fourth. I'm going to blame my poorer performance on the fact that he's eight years younger than me, but I'm also going to be stepping up my training a bit more. Can't let these whippersnappers get the best of us old fogies.

I promise, that's not a heel-strike. It just kind of looks like it is

Item 16 - Finish 30 15 books - "Swann's Way" by Marcel Proust

Swann's Way by Vanessa Fermino Card

I said before that there was very little I could say about "Swann's Way" that hasn't been said already and said better. It's the world in a teacup. It's the persistence and imperfection of memory. It's idealized love.

That, or it's a really good marketing strategy for sponge cookies.

Donation to the Human Rights Campaign Item 19 - Donate to 30 25 charities/non-profits

As a straight white male under the age of 50 in the United States I have it pretty easy. I'm disproportionately represented in the media, there is very little likelihood of my being assaulted and pretty much nobody hassles me about who I want to love.

I am a big believer in the idea that all humans should grant one another equal respect and rights. I'm lucky enough to live in a state that recognized last fall that denying an entire group of people the right to marry "just because" was actually unconscionable. Unfortunately we still have a long way to go in this country, which is why I donated to the HRC. When our children and grandchildren look back at this time in our history they're not going to be proud of our actions in granting entire groups of people basic rights, they're going to ask why it took us so long.